Telling Tales


This was how I was going to make new friends and also, dinner plans

This was how I was going to make new friends and also, dinner plans

I have this weird habit…okay, personality flaw, of deciding what something is when I really don’t have a clue. “Oh, you’re feet hurt and you’re limping? You have gout, get some allopurinol.” Or, “I know exactly what that leaf is, it’s from a type of birch, I am positive, no need to look it up, really.” Dear reader, consider yourself warned.

I have been wanting for years, to try yoga. I knew all about yoga even though I hadn’t really tried it. I knew it was a lovely way to escape the cares of the day, stretching and chatting with friends, making plans for dinner while relaxing my muscles.

I am in my fourth month of twisting, turning, and torturing myself, and I can tell you, I have not not made any dinner plans or any friends. Also, every single time I go, I feel as if I am going to be sick half way through. My muscles scream, “No more inverted happy baby, no more low plank, and please, for God’s sake, no more downward facing dog.” When the instructor asked us to sit on our legs which were already criss-crossed behind us, all blood flow ended and I went into a happy baby coma.

When I was in college, I made a decision to some day write a book. I also decided writing a book was like a vacation. I pictured myself toting my legal pad to cafes and bars, jotting down witticisms and stories while imbibing well made espresso and glasses of red wine. Everyone does it, it’s easy; I knew. Just like I knew the firemen were on my roof for a safety inspection (I couldn’t fathom a creosote fire). I also couldn’t fathom what it took to produce The Color Purple.

I am a long way from college, and I am in deep in my current project. The Color Purple is as far away as the bottom rung of the rainbow currently hanging over Casco Bay. But I do know some things never change. And if I can just get a few nights with my journal over at Mama’s Crow Bar, I can have this novel sewed up and ready for print before the next happy baby coma comes on.

What tales do you tell yourself?

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12 Responses to Telling Tales

  1. lisa blanchard says:

    ok, i get sick to my stomach during yoga too, and nausea comes about 1/2way through. but then i feel awesome the rest of the day, even after try to master the first pose of sitting with my legs crossed, and laugh outloud when i see everyone else has their feet over their legs.

    hey, why are there no spell or grammar checks on blogs? i obviously need them, not you. thanks for writing and sharing.

    • Sally Sally says:

      Hey Lisa, I don’t think we would make it through a class together. I did hear there is laughing yoga, so maybe there is a chance for us. Thanks for checking in.

  2. Deb says:

    you must be doing yoga all wrong – it’s sublime, it’s ethereal, it’s heavenly — you should join my yoga class, Sally!!

  3. joan chandler says:

    Today, I went on a rural woods-exploring trip with two friends. We took the roads-less-traveled to beautiful places. Along the way, we stopped at a ranch where ponies, donkeys, exotic ducks, domestic geese, chickens, and cattle filled pens and pastures. There we bought (on the honor system) some eggs and homemade bread. We were met in the driveway by an ancient collie, so elderly that his head was hanging down. I guess we could call him a Downward Facing Dog. On a dirt road, we stopped to look at some trilliums, and stepped on a convenient piece of timber placed over the ditch to get a closer look. It was a Low Plank. We later spent awhile in a vast wild meadow, where a conservation organization has planted native shrubs and trees. Nearby, four deer cavorted for our entertainment. Two were young twins. They could certainly be termed Happy Babies. We even made a new friend – a lady who tends a huge garden of brilliant pansies, which she boxes and sells. As for dinner plans – well, we did plan breakfast for Friday morning. We didn’t get a lot of physical exercise, but the day was relaxing, and we certainly forgot the cares of the world. AND NOTHING HURT AFTERWARD. Maybe you need to trade your yoga sessions for a walk on the beach. 🙂

  4. Samantha says:

    Oh Sally! I do remember taking one introductory free yoga class with you! I thought I was going to die and the next day I truly thought I was having a heart attack, I was in so much pain. No yoga since! I find other ways to stretch my body.

    • Sally Sally says:

      Samantha, I don’t think that was yoga, I think it was bar-Pilates. In any case, keep searching for other ways to stretch your body!

      • Lis Bochette says:

        Sally, Let’s face it some people are “yoga” people, we’re not – when my body is rocking on the mat, I expel air – not from my mouth! Some of us may be made for “meditating” or “deep breathing.” Deep breathing works for me, I lay down, spread eagle (like giving birth, which I never did but I’ve watched Rosemary’s Baby & the Discovery Channel) and deep breathe…very soothing, esp. to Josh Groban or John Gorka songs or spa music! Try it! 🙂

  5. Lis Bochette says:

    I think you’re next novel should be about your friends in high school & college, I would love to read that but please change our names, we’ll know who we are!! 🙂 Miss you!

  6. reigning champion says:

    I thought designing my own business cards would be easy. I was wrong.
    Have you tried pigeon pose?

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