Ta Da! The curtain falls on Christmas 2012

Is this Helm's Deep or the mall on December 23rd?

Is this Helm’s Deep or the mall on December 23rd?

While cleaning up the Christmas mess I discovered one of my 50 or so shopping lists from this past month. This is what was on it:

  • Real Bread
  • Bourbon
  • Hard cider
  • Deli Meat

To me, this means a few things:
1. Lists count as writing
2. My kids are grown up and coming home
3. Yum!

Nothing but a wedge of low fat cheese has graced my deli drawer since they were home last. When the kids are away we can see daylight in our fridge, in our cabinets, in our home. With them here together, it is a bursting little apartment. Beds on floors, gifts and games in hallway, and food on counters with no more room in the two cabinets. Boots, jackets, mittens, hats, are strewn about on chairs and hooks, announcing a small Siberian army has landed.

Besides real bread and bourbon, and the explosion of personal property, two more things come to mind as I recall Christmas 2012:

1. Wrapping paper that came with grid lines on the back. I am craft-deficient; can’t cut a straight line. This was an amazing discovery!
2. [Scene:] the experience of a shopping mall on December 23rd
[Setting:] pouring rain and wind gusts over 35 miles per hour
The Mall was Helm’s Deep; I had to park out by Isengard and take my chances at The Fords of Isen.
Lost my bearings when returning and circled the lot with a 20 pound package under my arms.
There were hundreds if not thousands of Orcs desperate for a parking spot, so desperate that they attempted to follow me. When they realized I was leading them on a wild goose chase (a diversion!) they would bellow a big Orc scream then finally give up, splashing me and my hard won prize.
Soggy, but successful in my quest, I can say I will try to never go near a mall on December 23rd again.

[The Curtain Falls]

 


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9 Responses to Ta Da! The curtain falls on Christmas 2012

  1. Brian says:

    Considering the cider is made from apples and the bourbon from corn, I think that list constitutes a well rounded diet. What else could you ever need?

    Stay strong in those parking lots, as the rightful king might say: A day may come when the courage of men fails… but it is not THIS day.

  2. Samantha says:

    Sums it up pretty well! Eat and be merry!

  3. Deb says:

    I don’t care what it means, it made me laugh!

  4. reigning champion says:

    Cider for second breakfasts. I’m with my brother on that one. Well rounded diet.
    Also, when in a tight spot, zombie-ghost soldiers in debt to your bloodline come in handy, be sure to bring some of those to your next battle.
    Just don’t let them get ahold of the bourbon.

  5. joan chandler says:

    Your comment about “space” in your refrigerator when the grown children are gone reminded me of a conversation I had with a co-worker many years ago. I told her that now that our children were away at college, all I could find in my fridge were condiments. She looked at me in utter horror, and said, “You keep them in the REFRIGERATOR?” I laugh every time I think of this.

    …..and your comment about finding this year’s lists is oh, so, true. I’ve mentioned before that three of us ladies – our close friend Anna, our daughter Diane, and I – gather in October to compile Christmas gift lists together, for each other and for the clueless menfolk. So I had in my possession eight pages of gift ideas, one for each family member, including Anna and our grandson’s girlfriend. Our initials were beside the gifts each of us would be giving; so if Anna called me shortly before the holiday saying, “Tell me what item I was going to get for Dean,” I would have the information at hand. But I didn’t want to carry a briefcase full of lists each time I went shopping, so I would condense the list into a handful of items I could purchase at the store destination of the day. Two or three times a week I’d sit at the kitchen table and pore over the big and small lists, crossing out this and that gift, asterisking others, and would then compile an entirely new list. I love Christmas, but I’m sorry for the trees that have died so our family could celebrate materialistically.

    Our family members aren’t big drinkers, so there’s never any booze on our lists at Christmas – but this year we hosted an annual Yankee Swap, and one of the guests brought a bottle of wine. We couldn’t open it. We didn’t own a corkscrew. As friends stared at the bottle and virtually panted, my husband Rod ran to the neighbors’ to borrow a corkscrew. Unfortunately, neither of us knew how to use it. The wine provider had to show us how. Pitiful. (Note: I bought Rod a corkscrew for Christmas.)

    I refuse to visit a mall during the week before Christmas. Well, except when it’s snowing. There’s something about the flakes falling, the carols playing, the mittens and scarves, the chill in the air, that makes me want to be with thousands of others in the stores. I may not even need to buy anything, just be there.

    Happy New Year, Sal. Reunion in January!

    <3

  6. Deb says:

    Joan, from someone who is a chronic list maker, I can’t even begin to imagine the work involved in your Christmas lists! Just reading about it makes me tired!

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